She's Gone
by bb.outrageous
Summary: No matter how much he drank, he just couldn't seem to get himself drunk. With each glass, his pain in his chest seemed to numb but within minutes that pain would come back. She was gone and there was nothing he could do except drown his pain away.


**[author's note]**It's bboutrageous again, and its my second Fairy Tail fanfiction this week. I'm actually quite excited that I was able to write this one in such a short time period although I was technically supposed to be writing a theme essay for my Literature class. But that doesn't really matter since all those who favorited and reviewed my last story, 'Wedding Dress', really inspired me to write another. I thank you for reading my second attempt at Grayza. I got this idea from listening to one to my phone earlier today. It's one of my favorite Super Junior songs called She's Gone and it's basically about losing the person you love. I've been getting a lot of ideas through songs as you can probably tell from a lot of my fanfic titles. This is my first attempt at angst and really sad stuff. If I made any mistakes or errors, I do apologize before hand since I finished this around midnight and my proofreading skills aren't up to par at this time of night. Yes, I know it might be on the fail side, but I hope you all still enjoy either way. I really do enjoy hearing what you all have to say. It brings me a lot of happiness to know that people like to read my stories and keeps me going. Once again thank you all for even clicking on this. Please review, favorite, subscribe or whatever you wish to do.

**[disclaimer]**I do no own Fairy Tail or any of its characters. They are the property of the wonderful Hiro Mashima. If I did own Fairy Tail however, Grayza would be canon.

**[full summary]**No matter how much he drank, he just couldn't seem to get himself drunk. With each glass, his pain in his chest seemed to numb but within minutes that pain would come back. She was gone and there was nothing he could do to stop the aching in his heart except try to drown his pain away.

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><p>She's Gone<p>

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><p>"<em><strong>Those heartless mistakes, I'm sorry my love. I turn my head to look at you. Love has already left. At this time though I can see it's like the moment we separate … Past memories come flooding back. I didn't know those memories permeated my heart like so. If I could do everything again … If you could smile at me once more … Can't seem to understand your lonely, tired heart. My stupid self-pride, I'm sorry my love."<strong>_

_**-Super Junior's "She's Gone" English Lyrics-**_

The atmosphere throughout the guild was thick and heavy making it almost impossible to breathe. Everyone's mood seemed to be near the point of depression as they sat quietly at the tables, beer and other alcoholic drinks in hand as they stared absentmindedly at the table before them. It wasn't the same Fairy Tail everyone was used to seeing.

There weren't any fights or arguments going on. Instead, everyone kept quiet or whispered unenergetically to one another.

Cana wasn't chugging a barrel of alcohol while sitting on the table. Instead, she sat between Wakaba and Macao with her face buried between her hands.

Bisca and Alzack weren't making eye contact and looking away with a blush every few minutes. Instead, they held onto each other for comfort and support.

Wendy and Carla weren't smiling like they always were. Instead, the wind dragon slayer was weeping behind her curtain of blue hair while Carla sat there sighing with a teary eyed Happy.

Elfman wasn't drawling on and on about being a man. Instead, he was sitting in the corner comforting Lisanna as she cried on his shoulder.

Wakaba wasn't making any passes at Mirajane as she passed by with her tray of drinks. Instead, he was staring at the copper colored liquid in his cup as his pipe hung limply from his mouth.

Jet and Droy weren't attempting to flirt with Levy. Instead, they were comforting the crying girl as Gajeel watched from afar, his face no longer holding the same sternness it usually held.

Juvia wasn't hiding behind pillars, stalking Gray. Instead, she was sitting quietly at a table by herself, eyes red from the earlier events.

The usually small crowd around the quest board was no longer there. Instead, it was deserted with quests left forgotten.

Natsu and Gray weren't arguing and fighting it out like they usually did. Instead, Natsu was sitting with Lucy, arms wrapped around the sobbing blonde in a comforting attempt to stop the tears while Gray sat at the bar, gulping down mugs of beer.

It definitely wasn't the same Fairy Tail people were used to seeing. If any person from town were to push open those large doors and step inside, they would probably feel the tense and depressing atmosphere that lingered in every corner of the room. The sight they would see would be terrifying to those who were used to the energetic and destructive nature of the guild. Now they would see quiet clumps of people with tear stained faces and red eyes.

A mage had been buried that day.

Everyone was still dressed in the mourning attire. Even Mirajane, who was usually found wearing her bright pink dress, was still wearing the black dress she had on from earlier that day. No one had been in the mood to go home and change out of the dark clothing. They all had simply decided upon heading back to the guild and having a few drinks.

Hours passed as quickly as they came. Eventually, people had started to disperse from the room and headed home where there would be a bed waiting for them. No one left with a smile that night. Not a word had been spoken above a whisper. Everyone's faces had been covered with despair and sadness. It was heartbreaking to see how one death had sent Fairy Tail tumbling from its status as one of the toughest and rowdiest guilds to a bunch of mourning victims. It would take some time for them to get back on their feet and for them to become the same happy guild they had always been.

Soon the guild was almost empty and deprived of people. Only a small handful of people still remained. Of those people included members that had passed out from drinking away the pain and those who were waiting for others to leave with them.

Mirajane sighed as she stepped out of the backroom she had been cooped up in for the past ten minutes. Earlier she had fled out of sight when she couldn't take the silence anymore and needed a place to cry and throw things. Behind the closed wooden door was a catastrophic mess. Wine barrels had been knocked over and other things had been tossed and thrown across the room in a forgiving pile of glass and other things.

Her blue eyes swept across the room, counting how many people were still left. Her eyes found their way to the resident ice mage. Gray had glued himself to the stool ever since the funeral procession had ended and had yet to leave once. No one had been able to talk the young ice mage out of leaving the bar for the past several hours. They were only met with shrugs and cold glares, but Mirajane knew his reasons for being so cold.

Although everyone had lost someone dear to them that day, it was Gray who had been hurting the most. Unbeknownst to the other Fairy Tail members, her death had hit Gray the hardest. Mira could tell that her death was eating him up inside and tearing him apart. It seemed as though there was nothing she could do to help him no matter how much she wanted to.

"Mira, give me another refill." The ice mage slurred.

Mirajane sighed as she walked over and placed her hand over his, a sympathetic look plastered across her face as he continued to drown his pain with the remaining alcohol in the glass. "I think you've had enough for tonight, Gray …" she insisted, her voice cracking as tears threatened to spill over once more that day.

The ice mage merely shook his head, hand trembling as he brought the cup to his lips. "No, it's not enough. It'll never be enough, Mira." His voice rose higher with each word, punctuating the severity of the situation he was in. No matter how much he drank, he just couldn't seem to get himself drunk. With each glass, his pain in his chest seemed to numb but within minutes that pain would come back. Every time he opened his eyes, he hoped that he would see her sitting next to him again with that beautiful smile of hers. Every time though, he would open his eyes to see that the stool next to him was occupied by another person or was just empty.

"Give me another refill." He said once more, fist clenching around the cup.

Mira frowned and pulled the cup from his grasp to prevent the glass from breaking and cutting his hand. "Gray … You should go home and get some sleep. It'll be good for you." She forced a gentle smile as she squeezed his hand reassuringly. She couldn't promise that the pain would go away, but at least he could try to sleep it out for the time being. He would need time to mend his broken heart. After all, a piece of him had died along with her.

Gray narrowed his eyes up at the white haired girl whom he had grown up alongside with Natsu and the others. This was the girl he had grown up knowing as The Demon Mirajane. Seeing as how he wasn't going to be able to get another glass of his anesthesia, he pushed off of the stool and made his way towards the doors.

"I guess I'll find myself another bar then. See ya, Mira." Gray waved a hand back at her before shoving his hands into his pockets and disappearing out into the streets of Magnolia.

The white haired barmaid sighed as she watched him leave. She wanted to stop him from going out to those bars and drowning himself in alcohol, but there was no reasoning with him now. It was all in his hands now.

"Please, Erza. Watch over him and keep him from doing something stupid." She whispered as tears welled up in her eyes.

-x-

"What the hell?"

Gray cursed as he kicked a can off the side of the road and into an alley way. Every bar he had gone to had been closed. It was ridiculous. What bar closed at this time of night?

He scowled as he shoved … well attempted to shove … his hands into his nonexistent jacket pockets. His frown deepened as he cursed under his breath. Somewhere along the way he had managed to slip out of the jacket unknowingly as usual. This time his jacket was lost somewhere in the city since he had been prowling bars for the past two hours.

"Tch." He glanced around, eyes catching the time on the clock tower in the center of Magnolia. It was almost midnight. With none of the bars open for him to go to, he was out of options on where to go and what to do. His only other choices were to head home and sleep.

The only sound he could hear as he headed back towards his house was the tapping of his shoes against the stone floor and the slow moving river that flowed through town. There wasn't a single soul out and about which Gray found to be sort of on the strange seeing as how there would be a few people late at night closing shop or talking a late night stroll.

He sighed as he dug into his pockets for the pack of cigarettes that had somehow found its way into his pocket earlier that day. It had been awhile since he smoked. He had given it up when he found himself going on all those adventures with Natsu and the others. Maybe it was because she had always given him that look every time he lit one up.

He stared at the box in his hand as he thought about all the memories they had together since she had joined Fairy Tail. That fateful day she came walking in had changed his life forever. Somewhere deep down, he had hoped that they would remain together for much longer than this. He had expected to able to say they grew old together, but his hopes of such ended that day.

_Gray was gasping for breath as he rolled over from his position on the flower. Before him was the guy he had been fighting moments earlier, frozen in a block of ice and he wasn't about to get anytime soon._

_His eyes scanned the crumbling room they were in. Natsu had defeated his opponent as using Lucy for support as they watched Erza take on their true objective. Their mission had been to capture the rogue mage that had been terrorizing the towns throughout Fiore. What they had thought would be an easy thing turned out to be a much greater feat than expected._

_Erza had already gone through several re-quips in her attempts to subdue the enemy, but the enemy didn't seem to falter._

_He pushed himself up onto his knees, his breathing still a bit shaky as he watched the fight going on before his eyes. Erza wouldn't be able to fight him alone, but they were all almost out of energy and strength. It would be near impossible to even think that they would be able to beat him without some outside assistance._

_"Erza!" Natsu's voice rang out, bringing Gray's attention back to the scarlet haired mage that had practically collapsed down onto one knee._

_They could all see that she was struggling even more than before now. She couldn't do it by herself. Gray pushed onto his feet with a painful grunt and took a step towards the battle ensuing._

_Erza turned, catching his movement as she blocked an attack heading straight for her head. "Gray! Natsu! Go get the others!" she shouted over the sound of metal clashing against metal. She could feel her energy draining by the moment. _

_"Let us help, Erza!" Gray snapped making another move to help her, but stopped when he saw the look on her face ... That pleading face that he had never wanted to see on her face as long as he was alive. "Erza ..."_

_"Go!"_

_He cursed under his breath as they turned away from the commotion and ran down the stairs to get whoever they could to come help. Several members of the guild had been sent with them in case things got to that level and they couldn't handle it by themselves. He could only hope that they could get there in time._

_It didn't take long to reach their group. They too had found themselves against enemies and were out of breath. A quick look of urgency was all it took for them to all take off towards the tower that had been erected in the center of the woods._

_Their footsteps and their pants echoed off against the stone walls as they rushed to reach the top._

_"Please ..." Gray muttered under his breath as the sound of the fighting got louder._

_"Please, Erza ..." he repeated, fists clenching as he picked up speed, pushing to the front of the group. "Hold out long enough for us to get there."_

_The light at the end led them to the top. Gray sprinted into the room ahead of the others who were a few steps behind him._

_"Erza!"_

_His eyes were wide as he watched her sword shatter. It was too late to re-quip another sword. She was fast, but not fast enough to stop him. One large slash was all it took and all he could see was scarlet. He watched as her figure fell, her brown eyes meeting his as she fell. There were tears in her eyes as she fell back against the cold stone floor. Her blood pooled around her as the man let out a sinister laugh._

_He was blind with rage now. The tears forming around his eyes fell as he rushed towards the man with speed that he never knew he could reach. In one angry attack, he had the man pinned against the ground, arms and legs froze in blocks of ice as he descended upon. His fists swung blindly as he glared at the man with cold eyes. With each punch he could feel the bones in the man's face crack and splinter._

_"Gray!"_

_Lucy and Natsu grabbed him, pulling him off the now unconscious man that was probably on the brink of death after that onslaught from the ice mage. Gray was furious. His eyes were blood thirsty as he stared at the man with pure hatred. He killed her. He killed her and he wasn't about to let him get away with it._

_"He killed her! He's going to pay for it!"_

_He was raving mad now._

_Lucy whimpered and wrapped her arms around him to pull him away. "Killing him won't bring her back, Gray. It'll put you under arrest for killing him. Erza wouldn't want that ..."_

_Gray froze at her words as he looked to the mage who Wendy was attempting to bring her back._

_He slumped in her grip as tears found him once more. "Damn it ... Damn it ... Damn it!" He slammed his fist against the ground as Wendy looked up with tears. There was really nothing they were able to do to help her._

_"Erza!"_

He sighed clenching his fist around the carton of cigarettes, crushing it as the memory left him. He turned and tossed them into the trash can and shoved his hands back into his pockets.

Cigarettes weren't going to help him now.

"Gray."

Gray stopped in his tracks as he looked up. Someone had called his name. His eyes scanned the area around him. No one was there.

"I thought I heard someone calling my name." he muttered to himself. His steps continued as he looked up at the sky. The moon was out tonight. The crescent shape shined brightly through the group of clouds that were moving in the sky. It was a rare sight indeed for him. He hardly took the time to actually stop and stare up at the sky and what it had to offer.

"Gray."

He stopped once again. This time his eyes found where the voice had come from. "Erza?"

There she was clad in her usual armor. Her scarlet hair stood out greatly to the point where it would be hard to confuse her with someone else. She stood there, leaning back against the wall behind him with that smile of hers tugging at her lips.

He blinked and she was gone.

Gray swiped at his eyes with the back of his hand and shook his head. He must be losing it or perhaps the alcohol had a delayed effect on him.

"Gray."

He blinked as he spotted her again, this time standing at the crossroads as though she were waiting for him, this time in the clothes they had buried her in. "Shit, I must be going crazy." He muttered under his breath before stepping towards the scarlet haired mage. With every step he took, it appeared that she got farther away. Eventually it got to him to the point that he was taking off at a run after her. He watched as she smiled and turned, leading him down the familiar pathway.

Within a few minutes, he found himself at the place he had been earlier that day. Erza was gone again, leaving him alone as he looked at the casket that had been placed besides the statue that had been erected before the funeral. The statue had been built as a memorial for the fallen S Class mage and stood atop of what would be the tomb of Erza Scarlet.

Perhaps he was losing it. Gray sighed as he stared at the site. The statue of her towered above him, casting a shadow over his very being as his expression hardened. If that Erza he had seen had been all in his mind, why the hell did she bring him here? He didn't want to be here. Being so close to her yet so far away was painful.

His hand went to his chest as he felt his heart clench for a moment.

His eyes moved to the figure that was standing in front of him now, leaning back against the statue with that knowing look of hers. She didn't say a word to him. Instead, she just looked at him with that soft gaze that she often gaze him during the sad times. He stared back, not knowing whether to say something or just walk away.

It wouldn't hurt him to say something. It wasn't as though there was anybody around to laugh at him or call him crazy for talking to someone who wasn't really there. It just seemed too farfetched for him to talk to a dead person. After all, he saw her die with his own eyes. And now, her ghost was here to haunt him.

"Why …?"

Erza simply looked at him, her expression unchanging.

Gray clenched a fist as he stared back at her, his gaze shaking with anger and sadness.

"Why did you try to handle it all by yourself?" he spat out, jaw clenching. "I could have stayed with you while Natsu went to go for backup. There wasn't a need for me to go with him, so why did I have to go?"

There was no answer from her. She merely looked at him with the same expression she had on since she appeared at the grave.

"I could have helped you, Erza. We both knew that he was too much for one person to handle. Even you were struggling. So why did you have to put on such a strong front and act out alone?"

He cursed as he felt rain fall upon his face, dripping down against his skin. He took several steps towards her until he was only a foot or two away from her. "You're such a fool …" he muttered, eyes softening as he looked at her. "I'm such a fool …"

The rain poured down harder now. What had started out as a light drizzle had turned into heavy pour, drenching him and his clothes. It didn't bother him though. In fact, he hardly felt the rain at all. All he knew was that he had issues to deal with and his only source of reconcile was standing right in front of him.

"I should have stayed." Gray collapsed to his knees as he clenched his hands together to form fists, eyes shut tightly. "I could have saved you, Erza! You could have still been alive right now! I wouldn't be feeling all this pain right now …" His fists slammed against the stone floor, punctuating each sentence as he felt the tears begin to swell up and sting his eyes.

Her death wasn't supposed to hurt him like this. He wasn't supposed to be suffering from losing her. He wasn't supposed to have lost her at all.

She was supposed to be here with him …

"Tell me why, Erza!" Gray gulped back the sobs that threatened to escape as he looked up at her, his tears mingling gently with the rain that fell above them. "Why didn't you let me protect you? You're supposed to be here for me! I need you, Erza …"

Erza's smile seemed to shift as she knelt down in front of him, placing her hands over his. She didn't speak. Instead, she squeezed his hands reassuringly and looked into his eyes. Brown met black and for a moment, Gray could have sworn he could have felt her hands on his.

"I love you, Erza … I always have."

The tears and the rain were obstructing his vision now, making it practically impossible to keep his eyes open without rain drops splashing into his eyes.

"I love you …." He repeated, his voice cracking as sobs racked his body. His hands shook as he squeezed them tightly into fists. "Why did you have to leave me like this?"

He lifted his once more only to find Erza even closer to him. Her arms wrapped around him, lips pressed against his forehead as she held him. His eyes widened at the warmth of her lips against his skin and the feel of her arms around him. It was almost as though she was actually there with him, comforting him.

"I'm sorry, Gray …"

"Erza …"

He blinked back the tears as he looked at her. Her expression was sad now compared to when he had seen her with her graceful smile.

"It pains me to leave you like this, Gray, but you have to be strong. Be strong for me." She pleaded, her eyes soft unlike her usual stiff demeanor. "I'll always be with you. No matter what …"

Her figure began to fade, turning almost transparent. Gray frowned and shook his head. "Don't, Erza … Don't leave!" he begged as the smile returned to her face. Her hand caressed his cheek as she pulled away. His hand reached out for hers, snatching at her hand but it was no use. She was gone.

Gray looked up as the rain began to ease up into the light sprinkle it had started as. It was almost as though it was sign that things would eventually lighten up for him. He sighed as the tears continued to fall. Minutes seemed like hours as he knelt on the ground looking at the spot where she had been standing. Eventually he couldn't take it anymore. Erza wouldn't want him sitting there feeling bad for himself. She would want him to move on.

He swiped at the tears that were left on his face with the back of his hand as he pushed himself up onto his feet. He gave the grave one final look before turning to leave. There was no use for him to stay there crying. She had asked him to be strong for her and that was what he was planning to do. If he couldn't do that, there was no purpose of continuing without her.

As he was walking away, a breeze swept by him bringing the familiar scent of her shampoo and the light sound of laughter. He could have sworn he heard her voice again. He turned his head back to the statue, but she wasn't there.

"Must be my imagination running wild again." Gray sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets. As he reached the base of the steps he heard again, but this time much clearer. It was definitely her voice.

"I love you, Gray."

A smile tugged at his lips as he looked back at the steps. For an instant, he thought he saw that scarlet hair of hers up at the top. He pushed a hand through his wet hair and sighed. Although she was gone, she was still there. He could hear her around him. He could feel her inside of him. That was enough to keep him going.

"I'll be back again soon, Erza …"

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><p><strong>Once again, thank you to all of those who read this fanfic. It was probably disastrous, eh? If it wasn't up to your expectations then I apologize T-T I have tried. Angsty stuff probably won't be my forte but at least I can say I tried. I hope that you all will continue to read my fanfics and show your support. Thank you and leave a review or favorite if you can.<strong>


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